i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
