Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
