I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
