he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
