just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize