Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.

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(512): View more from Texas

You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."

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(541): View more from Oregon

I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?

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(505): View more from New Mexico

She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.

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(970): View more from Colorado

You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.

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(509): View more from Washington

It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!

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(812): View more from Indiana

A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.

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