So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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