i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you would pick up someone in the library
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
