I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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