Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize