i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
