Even the bartender felt bad for me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize