I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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