yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I had to cum in my sink.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
