She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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