I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
