Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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