whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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