Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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