There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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