Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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