guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
there is glitter all over my balls
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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