Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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