I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
