Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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