it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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