I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
