He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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