Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
