You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
