I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
