Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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