Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
