just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize