I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
