ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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