i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
