They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
