im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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