All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
