I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize