CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
