More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
