Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
