Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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