Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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