I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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