So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
