so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
