Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
