Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize