i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
