well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
