you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
