I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
