It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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