I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
