who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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