After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
