I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you made out with another girl for some wings
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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