bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
