It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i now understand why vodka
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
