My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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