My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
