You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
