wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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