btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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