My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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