Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
