3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm at about main and main street
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
